Home Again, Home Again... Jiggety Jog

Autumn leaves along a creek in Oregon - somewhat past their prime, but still a colorful reminder of the passing of another season.

I'm home again in California, just in time to make preparations for the U.S. holiday of Thanksgiving this coming Thursday, when family and friends will again gather together here in my home. I only had time to  be online once or twice over the last week, but thanks to those who checked in and/or sent emails. I'll reply to them all as time allows.

So... where was I for a week?  Let me explain...

Since having been bitten by the travel bug at an early age I'd always been one to jump at the chance to take what the younger generation often calls a "road trip"; loading a few things into the car and taking off on short notice for points unknown. At my age today I accept that those days are far behind me, though. Today a journey from home takes some planning and forethought.

It's not that I have to notify caregivers and next of kin where I'm going, or that I have to make sure there are enough maintenance prescriptions and adult diapers on hand to leave home, but life in and of itself graces me with responsibilities and obligations that don't allow the spontaneity of my youth, when I thought nothing of deciding at nine o'clock in the evening to call a friend and say "Hey, want to drive down to San Diego tonight?", arriving in time to have breakfast and wander around in the zoo there when it opened.

WHY  I still remember those 12-hour death marches I'll never understand; far too many of us thought we were Hunter S. Thompson back in those reckless days, fueling ourselves with higher octane substances than we'd put into the gas tank, wear and tear to our bodies (and brain cells) be damned. Some foolish souls still do, but thankfully that's their problem - and they're welcome to it.

The brief trip that kept me away from posting for a week was a somewhat bittersweet journey to visit a few friends I'd been meaning to see since the late Spring. One, although still able to get about on his own is closing in on 90 years old, and beginning to show signs of it that he'd dodged for the last few years. Too far away now for our twice-weekly visits I noticed a dramatic change in him when I saw him last week, and it was unavoidable to think that I may well not see him again, at least as he's been the many years I've known him.

Trees in Washington state, blazing with color in a final hurrah before dropping their leaves for the Winter

At my urging he talked a great deal about his childhood, his military years and the rest of his life as someone who dealt with being gay for many decades before being able to accept it. I did my best to make hasty written and mental notes as best I could. In the evening I scribbled them down when I returned to my room at the home of a former "friend with benefits", long since become merely a good and trusted friend.

My elderly friend spoke at length about a world that fortunately I've only read about: the Pre-Stonewall days I'd heard about from other gay men only a generation older than myself; the ones who truly had no choice but to live in secrecy and fear. He still speaks of those days in hushed tones, as though someone moving their walker slowly past his door might hear him. When those younger than I ask why he's so private about it I've taken to saying that he's an "Old School" gay - a term I use with nothing less than full respect.

Somewhere around 60 years ago he dutifully followed tradition, married a woman and had a child that is still probably the brightest spot in his life. 40 years ago he buried the same woman after a sudden illness took her, leaving him a single father - a challenge he rose admirably to. Finally, 20 years ago - nearing his 70th birthday - he met a man that was to become his partner for the next 16 years, until illness took him a handful of years ago. For those of you who feel you'll never find that special someone past the age of 30, please take note of that.

Now he spends his days reading, taking walks and reflecting with no small amount of wonder back over the span of years he's been around. "I don't mean to sound maudlin or depressed," he said to me "but I've lived a good life, overall. A good life. If you told me I'd simply go in my sleep tonight and wouldn't wake up in the morning I'd be okay with that. I've traveled, I've learned many things, I've loved and I've been loved. I've experienced so much - what more could anyone really ask for?"

I can only hope that my thinking mellows to match his as I go along... assuming, of course, that I'm blessed with the same longevity and relatively good health he's had.

It was an emotional farewell before I headed back home to California. For many years I'd have seen him and his partner for an hour or two twice a week - and then him alone for five years past that - but circumstances took him North to be closer to his daughter, so other than phone visits this was the first time we'd talked in person for eight months.

Although it went unspoken I think we both realized that this may well have been our last few days together. For now, though, there's still the comfort in knowing that I can call and have him answer, always beginning the conversation with "I'm so glad you called."

Rain drops early one morning in Seattle - frozen overnight on the back of a leaf.

A Sleeping Volcano

Mount Shasta is a dormant volcano in Northern California. It towers 3,000 meters (about 10,000 feet)  it's visible from a great distance, making the enormous trees that blanket the area around it look like moss on a rock.  Still, it's only the fifth highest peak in the state.

Scientists consider it to be dormant, but it will erupt again.  The major blast from relatively nearby Mount St. Helens in 1980 showed that activity is possible. St. Helens is a few hours drive to the North, and I'll see that off in the distance from the road later this morning.

I stopped yesterday at a vista point and took the photos I stitched together for the above image, and now - after an acceptable night's sleep - it's on to Seattle.

On The Road Again...

No, not Thailand or Hawaii... this is from my front porch

The rising sun here finds me preparing for a brief road trip before the madness - uh, sorry, make that joyous hustle and bustle - of the Holiday Season leaps out at us in all of its glory.

Come bed time tonight I'll be somewhere around 475 miles to the North of where I am now, and with any luck at all settled in at the place I've booked for the night.  I don't sleep well in my car.

I have a fairly full schedule, but it's a happy one; family and friends I haven't seen for months or years.  I'll try to keep up with posts here, but won't make any promises.  I just wanted to let the regulars know so there won't be quite so many "what happened to you" emails to catch up with. 

Say hello if you see me wandering around in Seattle.

Mixed Blessings For Loy Krathong 2554

Loy Krathong during calmer times in Bangkok

Nothing's improved in and around Bangkok since the October 27th post (Water, Water Everywhere...) - in fact, the disaster has continued to escalate and spread, become more and more of a jumbled mess by the day as millions attempt to do anything within their power to try to hold back the millions of gallons of water steadily seeking its own level as it flows to the Gulf of Thailand.

Young lovers and their krathong

The ironic thing about having the flood waters at this particular time is that these are the days of Loy Krathong, one of the most popular - if not the most - nation-wide observances and celebrations of the year for the Thai.  OK, maybe New Years Eve ranks somewhere as high ("countdown" as some of my working class Thai friends call it) but Loy Krathong is a holiday deeply rooted in the hearts and minds of all dutiful Thai.

For those of you interested in learning the thought and traditions of the festival in more detail, feel free to click either of the two Loy Krathong links above - either will take you to last year's post that explains it all, and today's post will be  little more meaningful for you.  Go ahead... I'll wait.

Not going for that?  Geeez, people are in such a rush these days.  OK, here's the short version: during the full moon of the twelfth lunar month each year (usually in mid-November) the Thai set small floating offerings out onto a river or waterway with candles, flowers and incense to thank Phra Mae Khonka (the Mother of Water) for the blessings the waters have brought them - such as a good harvest - and to make amends for their pollution and abuse of those same life-giving waters.

Picking out a krathong for the festival. Millions are used each year.

THIS  year, instead of going to the banks of the Chao Phraya river or another waterway to make their offering the water has come to them... and in far greater abundance than anyone in their right mind would have wished for, other than perhaps those who sell sand bags for flood control.

A friend emailed me with a valid thought, though: even though both of his homes are flooded (his work home in the city and his family home in another city) and getting where he needs to be is becoming a nightmare he's still going to find some way of making his offering this year.

"I don't know as I've done anything to upset her myself," he said of Phra Mae Khonka, "but if ever there was a time to ask for her help, it's now." I had to tip my hat to him: his world is in chaos on several levels, and he's still sticking with what he feels is right. I told him "You know, it couldn't hurt, and it just might help. Good for you."

Phra Mae Khonka: for what it's worth, I'm asking a favor I probably have no right to ask: pass as peacefully as you can as you flow to the ocean, and give these people a break.

Thank you.

Repeating an image from a year ago, but it's one that triggers a special memory for me.

Accommodation, Part 16: Elegance Suites Sathorn

There are a couple of entrances - this is the one I used

[As you'll see in the comments below the hotel is now closed, so I've removed the info and links. I'll leave the story as a remembrance of a place I liked, though.]

A forum friend recommended the Elegance Suites to me and I've had two stays there, both enjoyable experiences.  It's no more than a 10 minute walk from the Saphan Taksin BTS station and boat pier, and because of that it's a really convenient place that's not all that far away from many other popular areas.

As a caveat, when I went to look at current rates for the place there was a mention on tripadvisor of it being closed for refurbishing and their own site isn't up and running today but Orbitz was accepting reservations for the coming weekend on a junior suite for two, with breakfast, for $52USD. Of course, being that close to the Chao Phraya river it's probably a crap shoot that it IS open now, but the post is here for future reference, if not for now. I wouldn't book it myself today, but I definitely would again in the future.

The Chao Phraya river from the Saphan Taksin river boat stop - in calmer times

The hotel is on Thanon Charoen Wiang (in the Bangkrak part of Sathorn), just down the road from where Robinsons and the Centre Point apartments are on Thanon Charoen Krung.  That intersection is - as the crow flies - somewhere about two football/soccer fields from the Le Bua hotel, home to the Sky Bar.  It's also within a mile of the Shangri-La and a short taxi ride to Lumphini Park, the Patpong Night Market and the rest of the night life, for that matter.

Part of the living room, with a view of the bedroom through the sliding doorway

All 76 rooms are suites, most being 43 square meters/463 square feet, all with high speed internet, safe, and sliding doors to separate the bedroom from the rest of the unit. There's a small gym with a couple of treadmills and a half-dozen other machines; simple, but usable.

A portion of the rooftop pool/jacuzzi garden area

The rooftop pool area is spacious and quiet, with a beverage bar, plenty of lounge chairs and a table stacked with clean pool towels.  It was quiet enough there that I had a couple of visits with the guys working the reception area who came up to get away from the work phones (and use their own, of course).

The shopping center at the far end of the block.

For those who like to wander around and see how the folks there live there's a lot of area to cover. I took a lot of photos on many morning strolls, as well as to and from the BTS station and other places. At the end of the street (right by the Saphan Taksin BTS station) is a shopping center with a Robinsons department store, a grocery store and several places to eat without subjecting yourself to the McTrash.

Ready for breakfast in the dining room. Part of the buffet shows here.

The dining room was spacious and fully stocked with well-prepared food, both Western and Thai. The coffee was brought to you whipped out of a machine around the corner, and there was an omelet station with a person who knew how to make a proper omelet (at least, while I was there there was).

Suites are available with one large or two twin beds

The beds have been slightly firm, but nothing like some of the extra-firm slabs you can run across in some hotels.  The linens were fresh, and the towels in the bathroom were soft and fluffy.  Another point worth mentioning is that I believe all of the suites have a shower within a proper bath tub.

No place is perfect, so in fairness I should mention that my taxi driver had a hell of a time finding the place the first visit, and another had to stop and make a phone call on another stay, but that's a minor thing.  If I'm staying near a BTS station (which I prefer anyway) most taxi drivers can find the stations, and then it's just fine tuning.  Also, one stay there was a wedding banquet in the dining room, and there was a lot of foot traffic in and out of the place that evening... and at 10pm there was some music audible in the suite that the front desk apologized for.  The level dropped a bit shortly after I called.

I hope they're doing all right during this current flooding - again, they're within flood range from the Chao Phraya - and I'll look forward to another visit some time in the future.

The Golden Rule vs The Ugly Americans (And Others)

Planning a strategy is often better than going off half-cocked

One of the more valuable lessons I learned early in this life is how “The Golden Rule” gives far better returns than most any other investment of time and energy. Talking with my imaginary friend this morning I was reminded of the saying “You reap what you sow” also, but I really think “Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you” says it best. You’re free to consider either or neither, and I run into plenty who consider neither on a daily basis here stateside!

Not that I’m never guilty of transgressions in this area, but as the years go by I’ve found that the energy it takes to be civil is really less than is needed to go about furthering ill will. There’s plenty enough of that in the world already, and frankly I have better things to do. We all have better things to do, but some just can’t seem to break free of the selfish and irrational bonds that keep them wallowing in their own quagmire of unpleasantness.

ALWAYS keep your cool
with a police officer

As we’ve covered in a couple of previous posts the Thai overall tend to be far more easy-going than most Westerners. It’s not that they don’t have goals and a desire to further themselves, and not that they don’t have emotions, dislikes and passions that fuel their lives, but they seem to be able to find a gentler way of getting where they’re going. I think it’s all a part of the “mai pen rai” mentality; what some might sum up as “don’t sweat the small stuff - and it’s all small stuff, really”. Especially while on vacation.

I tend to walk around with a smile on my face as much as possible and nod my head in recognition to anyone who makes eye contact with me. When I don't - and I've done some informal and completely unscientific experiments on this - I don't get the same treatment on several levels. The suggestion from here is to consider trying the pleasant manner route.

It's freely acknowledged here that combining a strange place in climates we're not accustomed to with traveler's fatigue while working through frustrations of written and verbal language barriers and you've got almost everything needed for a recipe for Impatience Casserole (not forgetting the garnish of "travel tummy") but it's all part of the adventure. People seem to think that going to a foreign country is like a visit to Disneyland, and I've heard people out of control there, too.

If I had a dollar for every time I've heard some English-speaking person going off the deep end while in conversation with a tuk-tuk driver, hotel registration employee, airline worker, Jatujak shop owner or someone on the street I could pay for a first class ticket back there this very morning. Some of these people are under the false impression that just because they verbally pummel someone they'll win the battle, but I've also seen street justice meted out, too. The Thai are polite, but they're human - and everyone has a breaking point.

I'm not a voyeur to the extent that I'd look into someone's window or hotel door when I'm passing by, but a boisterous argument is like free radio to me, and I've surreptitiously listened in on any and all of those whenever the opportunity arises. Taxi drivers arguing with a tourist over a non-metered fare, club owners going ballistic while providing what they consider to be customer service to a patron, people repeating the same irrational demands over and over at the ticketing counter (as if their outrage will change policy) and far more examples than you'd want to read here today.

There's something in some parts of the Asian culture itself that includes a rule that whoever shouts the loudest and most incessantly in an argument wins, but I can't quite quantify that theory just yet. It's a work in progress. Maybe it's a variation on the theorem that repeating a lie often enough will make it true, I don't know. Goodness knows politicians in the US subscribe to that en mass during election season.

Are there tuk-tuk drivers who will try to take advantage of you in Bangkok? Yup - no question. Are there people selling all sorts of goods and services that are not what they're represented to be? Right again. If you're not willing to roll with the punches and take the chance of being put into an uncomfortable situation, do some homework on travel advisory sites, forums and boards before you go. Actually, that's sound advice even if you are a little more adventurous, even if I do say so myself. It's payed off well for me, anyway.

This doesn't mean it's not wise to stand up for yourself and try to resolve any and all matters in a calm and reasonable fashion; nobody needs to be a door mat - but it's usually best to not allow things to escalate to a hostile level in a strange place, surrounded by strangers. In such situations I make use of whatever damage control is within reach, end the interaction and leave. Sometimes that means getting short shrift, but it beats a fight (or worse).

The point here today is simple. If you want to be treated in a civil manner, don't walk into a situation acting like a self-appointed deity. My guess is that it irks you when it happens wherever home is for you, and that's understandable... you're human.

 They're human, too.

Another Quick Flood Update

NOT what you'd want to see while dealing with the flooding

A good friend of many, many years is struggling to stay alive in a nearby hospital, and my place is there right now - so there won't be much of a written post today.  I'll try again tomorrow.

Floodwaters fill the Lat Phrao-Phahon Yothin intersection yesterday, closing the Central Plaza department store and raising fears that the deluge is approaching inner Bangkok.

In the meantime, the relentless flow of water heading South around Bangkok continues. Water seeks its own level, and as the current level of water in the waterways is above street level you can imagine the Herculean challenge to the people of Thailand in trying to keep up with breaks in levees, clogged systems and countless other problems with food, water, health and safety.  I wish them luck.

A map from November 4th, showing the floodwater path - in English, this time. Click on the images to enlarge them.

A news photo, taken on the morning of November 7th

Thai-Farang Relationships Pt 2: A True Happy Ending

For illustrative purposes only. Vee did not work in this club

[In Part One of this story you read about Vee, a 29-year-old Go Go boy from Pattaya and how he met Ted, the farang life partner he'd long sought. This is the rest of that story, or the story as I know it to now.  While it's a true story, details have been changed to protect their identities.]

After Ted had returned to Bangkok he stayed in phone contact with Vee, sometimes several times a a day - and it was more or less evenly divided as to who called who.  As they discovered they had many of the same desires and goals in life they began to feel more and more connected.  While there was a difference in ages between them, Ted was open to working on keeping a younger mind and Vee was more of a mature thinking person than many his age. Vee saw someone who would care about him rather than just care for him, and Ted saw the possibility of some "social security" by way of company, companionship and affection as they both aged.

Within a few weeks Vee had begun spending more and more long weekends in Ted's home in Bangkok.  Quickly adjusting to the city life Vee began to network with friends and contacts and look for work.  He didn't have much of a higher education but his personality and the contacts he and Ted had in the business world began to offer promise for a future working with more than a speedo on.

There were cultural hurdles to be jumped by both, but by being open and honest they managed to compromise.  Vee was a devout Buddhist, Ted had been raised in a rigid religion who's rules he'd adapted and that he remained active in, although he was somewhat closeted about it while doing so. He also found comfort in some of the Buddhist practices and participated in them on occasion, which pleased Vee.

Ted wasn't an aficionado of "gay life" or the club areas to begin with, and Vee had seemingly had his fill of that scene, so not having regular nights out amid the bright lights and deafening music was something they both easily agreed on, although Ted had some concerns that Vee might not truly be "finit" with that lifestyle.  "I'd heard that saying about being able to take the boy out of the club but not being able to take the club out of the boy," he said to me one time "but while I didn't throw all caution to the wind I had to take him at his word or drive myself nuts worrying about it."

Vee also had some things in the back of his head that concerned him: what if Ted found another man to replace him being first and foremost, but there were other concerns, most of which were merely fears of the unknown: would he really fit into Ted's world? Would their families welcome their partner?

Vee had only briefly gotten himself involved with the partying side that all too often destroys club guys - yaba (methamphetamine) being the #1 offender, closely followed by exposure to HIV - but there was also the spectre of alcoholism for those who couldn't control their drinking, or the endless "gotta have it" lure of new phones, new motocys, and the likes. Vee dabbled with yaba a few times but fortunately didn't care for it, and he'd managed to avoid exposure to HIV, although there were a few scares that convinced him to set his own limits and stick with them.  He'd managed to not only send money home on a regular basis, but build his own savings.

An office job was offered to a joyously happy Vee by a business acquaintence of Teds, and Vee gratefully accepted the 9,000Bt per month salaried position. He exchanged his usual daily garb of shorts and tee shirts for slacks, a white shirt and a tie and dove right into this very new working world.  His personality carried him until he got the hand of things, and then he just took off and flew with the opportunity and responsibilities. "I never have to do club work again," he told Ted. "I am happy."

Things went relatively smoothly, and  the week after he got the job Vee gave up his room in Central Pattaya, said farewell to his friends there and moved to the Big Mango, into Ted's home.  Ted was sensitive to Vee being an adult and had put some things into storage to clear the second room that had been his home office and moved his work station into a corner of the living room to give Vee his "own space", and while Vee noted and appreciated the gesture the room became a shared office and work room after only a couple of months.

Letting their guard down after four months they spoke of monogamy since they'd met. Both claimed they'd been faithful to that point, and they went for HIV tests. Both came up negative, and they stopped using condoms.

At Vee's urging they had a monk perform a wedding ceremony for them.  Although their friends and family knew and approved of the couple they wanted this to be a private affair, and made it so.

To celebrate, they went shopping for some new furnishings for their home, one of them being the first proper dresser Vee had ever had in his 29 years. It was delivered as scheduled one morning while Ted was working at home, and after having the men put it in place in their bedroom he thought he'd move Vee's things into it as a surprise for him when he arrived home later that afternoon.

That's when he found my business card.

"It took me a while to open my heart and trust Vee," he told me on the phone "and this just kind of made me feel sick to my stomach."  He paused another moment before going on. "By rights I shouldn't have seen this, but I did, and it bothered me."  "Good grief," I said "he's been with you about a year. You're still having doubts?"  He allowed that while he'd done his best to be trusting that some of the people he knew weren't as convinced that this was meant to be... and told him so.  His friends were supportive - because they'd met and been involved socially with the couple - but others weren't.

"He told me early on 'I don't want to be in contact with my old life' - and I respected that.   He asked me to sit there while he deleted his online accounts and cleared out his email accounts.  He gave me the passwords and said 'change them tomorrow for me,' and I did. I saw him throw his club contacts and his stack of phone numbers into the trash. I carried the bag out to the rubbish myself, but you never know 100%.  Then I found your card, and I didn't know if it was new or old or what."  I was flabbergasted.

"You know," I said "my cell phone here is only active when I'm in the country. I've only been here a couple of weeks and I head home in two days.  What are the odds of you finding my number and calling me today?"  "Pretty slim," he admitted "but I'm glad I caught you, because we don't keep any secrets and I meant to talk to him about it in a few hours when he got home from work."

I told Ted "Please tell him I said hello. Tell him how I know him, and tell him I said 'I told you so', because I'd predicted he'd find a decent man if he went about it the right way.  I'd love to meet you both and have lunch or something."  He said he'd relay my message, and leave it up to Vee if he wanted to reconnect.  I waited all evening, hoping for a call that didn't come.

The next afternoon while I was packing a suitcase my phone rang, and it was Ted.  "Vee says he remembers you and wanted me to say thank you so much for your help, because without you we'd have probably never met - but he's still somewhat skittish about anything to do with his old life.  He says we're happy now, why go back there, and I respect that."

"I do, too," I said "but I'd appreciate an update from you at some point, if you don't mind."  He agreed, and I still have his number.

I'll be back there in a few months.

Thai-Farang Relationships: A Different Happy Ending

This is merely an example. It's not where Vee worked.

[If you look you'll find a truckload of testimony and opinions regarding the possibility of finding a lasting relationship with a Thai person. I can't speak with any authority whatsoever about farang males and Thai females, but I have known (or at least met) many successful, longer-term farang/Thai male couples.  This is about one of them, and although they're among the newer ones they seem to be on the right track.  I'll update at some point in the future after I've seen them again.  Naturally, identifying names and places have been changed.]

I was napping one afternoon in Sattahip when my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number displayed on the read-out, but I was still half asleep and for some reason just answered it rather than shutting the damn fool device off and going back to sleep. A man speaking good English asked for me by name, but he sounded hesitant.

"You found me," I replied "Who is this?"  There was a pause, and then the man said "You don't know me, and I'm sorry to bother you, but..." he paused again, longer this time.  Now I was curious.  I asked "Are you still there?"  "I am," he said, still tentative, "I probably shouldn't even be making this call, but I wanted to ask you something, and I hope you can settle something for me."  Now I was hooked.  I might have listened to a vacation condo co-op pitch after an opening like that.

"Do you know someone named Vee?" he asked. I thought for a moment, but it only took a moment for me to remember Vee: outgoing, energetic, personable Go Go boy seriously looking for a relationship.  He spoke very good English and I'd spoken with him a few times about his life, his plans, his hopes.  Since he seemed sincere about it I'd also done some very minor corrections to a profile he had posted, taken a series of profile photos and even shot a couple of video clips of him one afternoon in which he introduced himself and said a few things to demonstrate his command of English.

"Yes, I've met Vee a few times. Why do you ask?" Since Vee was only 29 when I'd last seen him just over a year before I was kind of hoping this wasn't one of those "your friend died yesterday" kind of calls, but at the time I wanted to know if it was. There was another pause from the other end of the line, prompting me to ask "Is he all right?"  "Yes," came the reply "and I'm sorry, I should introduce myself and stop being so mysterious.  Vee is fine."  "Sounds fair to me," I said, and grabbing a tablet and a pen I said "Go ahead when you're ready."  Interviews and background stories are common; follow-ups - especially like this sounded it might be - are far less so.

His next question caught me by surprise, though: "Did you sleep with Vee?" "Why do you want to know?" I countered, still not really knowing who the hell was calling. "I'm his husband," he said, with a slight waver to his voice. "Oh, sorry then," I said quickly "No, Vee is just a casual acquaintance."  I went on to give the guy a thumbnail of how I knew Vee, and then had a couple of questions myself: "May I ask your name, and how did you get my number?" - and that's where his story really began.

His name was Ted, and he'd worked five years in Bangkok for a Canadian company.  Online one day about a year earlier he'd come across the very profile I'd proofread for Vee, thought he seemed like someone he could communicate with while also finding Vee attractive.  That part wasn't surprising, because Vee was very attractive.  Despite him approaching his expiration date as a Go Go boy he was gym-toned and handsome, with one of those big Thai smiles.  I could understand why someone who appreciated Asian men would find him worth talking to if they were looking for a partner.

Ted replied to Vee's ad, and after an email exchange spoke on the phone with him a few times.  Two weeks later Ted made a drive down to Pattaya for a weekend and they met for dinner and a movie and what seemed to come naturally for both of them later that evening.  Having had his fingers burned a couple of times before Ted was hesitant, but by the time he headed back home on Sunday evening he thought he felt the beginnings of a connection with Vee.

Vee had felt the same - but he, too, had been disappointed by farang who made promises of relocations and relationships while on vacation that were nothing more than a means of laying claim to his company and obvious physical assets for their all-too-often brief visits.

He was comfortable with being gay and wasn't merely playing a part while with these guys as many in the club trade do; saying what their admirers wanted to hear. He'd had some nice trips and gifts out of the arrangements, but he wasn't really looking for that; he was tired of dancing and clubs and was looking for someone who would be there when he came home, and someone he could do the same for.  He wanted a relationship, with someone who actually lived in Thailand. That much I already knew from talking with him, but it still didn't answer the "how did you find me" question I'd asked Ted.

"I'm sort of embarrassed to tell you," he said "but I was moving Vee's things into the new dresser we'd bought for him the other day and found your card."  Ah-HA!  That cleared a couple of things up for me instantly. I'd given some of the guys I'd talked with my regular business card - those few who said they were willing to update me on how they were doing and what direction their lives were taking, anyway.  It already had my email address so I just scratched out my USA phone number and written my Thai cell number.  Since I was careful about it I'd gotten very few solicitations by phone, although the method wasn't foolproof and sometimes I was the one fooled. It happens.

Anyway, Vee was one I was interested in following even though other than a phone call to wish me a safe trip home about a week after we last met I hadn't heard from him since, and his profile had been taken down a month or so after I'd gotten back home.  I'd asked a friend to stop in at the club he worked at to see if he was OK and to give him my email again, and what I heard from them was that Vee had left the club on good terms, but that he was gone.  "OK, finit," I said to myself when I read the email, but I made a note to look around for him the next trip, which was the current visit.  This time the searcher came to me... as did the update.

{Next: The update - Ted and Vee's new life]

A Reminder: Planning And Booking Thailand Visits

The goal is to return safely to your home turf. If you do that, you win!  This is San Francisco, taken from a homeward-bound flight.

January 1st of this year saw the first of the Travel Tips series published here ("Travel Agents And Airline Tickets"), and since Thailand is just entering high season and some of you are thinking about or already set on going I thought we'd revisit some of the information covered in earlier posts and try to consolidate some of the links into one spot for you.  Hopefully you'll also read some of the other detail, but that's entirely up to you. If you do, also note the comments submitted for each post, as there are some good suggestions in them.

In that first entry we covered planning and booking your flight, but admittedly it had a USA slant to it as that's where I'm based. There are undoubtedly international travel sites out there that are truly gems that I don't know about yet.  You're encouraged to submit links via the comments section.  Many will appreciate them, I'm sure.  Links in that first entry included:

AIRLINES I've flown or are comfortable recommending:
EVA
ANA (All Nipon Airways)
JAL (Japan Airlines)
Singapore Airlines
Emirates
I've also flown Northwest and United there, and hope I don't have to again.

Remember that airlines offer their own specials on their web sites, but prices can fluctuate multiple times throughout the day, with little or no rhyme or reason to it.  I'd suggest checking the identical flight at different times of the day for a couple of days at least if you're going to book directly through the airline.  Remember that sometimes flexibility on your travel dates can make a big difference.  If you're checking fares, try a day or two before and after.

For ticket price comparisons, Kayak.com is still my favorite, you may also have yours.  Kayak compares hundreds of sites at once, and in one place.

Don't overlook the possibility of finding good prices by using the services of a travel agency or ticket wholesaler, especially if you have any kind of decent rapport with a travel agent who knows their stuff.  Agents don't make much at all from booking an airline ticket alone, but if you've also booked a cruise, hotel or auto rental with them they ought to be more amenable to going out of their way to help you find a better price.  I often do some research myself first, call mine and tell them what I've found.  Sometimes they beat it and sometimes they say "book what you've found."

While booking a ticket and doing your seat selection Seat Guru can come in handy. Nobody really wants to sit bolt upright against the wall to the toilets on a 12 hour flight.

HOTEL SITES for booking your room (note: some include fees and taxes in a search, some don't)
Agoda.com was bought by Priceline and is the 800 pound gorilla, but it's dependable.
Asiarooms can also offer decent packages
Wotif is an Australian company that I'm hearing good things about, but I haven't used them.
Search a few and compare before booking anything.  I'd also suggest contacting the hotel directly and asking for a better rate.  The worst they can do is say "no", and sometimes they offer specials even the commercial sites don't get - even with their block purchases.  If you participate or lurk on any travel forums also consider doing a bit more research on some of their recommendations, too.

LUGGAGE AND PACKING: Note the post from January 2 here. Read the fine print with your ticket.

OTHER USEFUL LINKS:
1) Travel.State.Gov is the official resource for USA travelers, and it's a wealth of information.
2) British Airways has an interesting calculator for figuring out jet lag. There's also my blog post here.
3) The English version of the official Thai Customs site can help you avoid legal problems when arriving.
4) In February this year I posted an extensive piece about arriving at Suvarnabhumi airport that will come in handy, I'm fairly sure - especially for newbies.

RELATED HELPFUL POSTS FROM HERE:
There are also a lot of posts where I've shared experiences I've been through or learned from trusted sources that may help you while you're there. I've gotten many kind comments from folks they have helped.  You can read about them via the links below, by topic:
Staying healthy on flights and in hotels
Getting sick in Thailand
Medications in Thailand
Staying hydrated (I can't emphasize this enough)
...and a story that still gets a lot of hits: learning to use a squat toilet.

We'll probably add more to this or another entry soon.  Again, please feel free to share comments with other tips you've found helpful.