"Sexy movie? Sexy movie?" - the DVD Touts

If you walk through the narrow sidewalk pathways anywhere around the Silom-Patpong Night Market area, you will undoubtedly run into the “Adult” movie touts. They’re rife around the Sala Daeng BTS station. The same goes for the huge assemblage of electronics stores, shops and booths that fill the cavernous Pantip Plaza building on New Phetchaburi Road.

They’re an exclusively male group, most in their early 20’s at ground level, but they most certainly must answer to older “managers” – even as rag-tag as the operations appear to be. It reminds me a bit of Oliver Twist and the Artful Dodger, out doing the less savory work for Fagin; propositioning bewildered tourists as they browse along Silom or enter Pantip, but hey – it’s work.

Hovering around in the crowd, usually alone but sometimes in pairs, they watch for the bewildered and wide-eyed entering their territory who may not have heard their pitch before. Some sit to the side, but most will walk right up to you and say “Sexy movie? Sexy movie?” or a variation on the theme, holding a hand-made card cupped in their hand that reads “Sex Movie” or “Sex DVD”. The cards are about the size of a playing card, and hand-done with ballpoint or felt-tip pens on a light cardboard or a sheet of paper folded up to give it some stability, and usually held in front of them near waist level.

Most don’t bother to follow you if you say “no, thanks”, but occasionally one hearing another speak to you will set off others in the vicinity, somewhat like one neighborhood dog who begins barking and begins a local canine choral piece. I’ve had a few who actually came up and touched or grabbed my elbow or arm in an attempt to slow my pace to get my attention, but that’s been very rare. Maybe that’s because I’m twice their size, I don’t know.

I’d been instructed on an early trip to say “Mai ow”, meaning “I don’t want” in Thai, but another writer ex-patriot I had the pleasure of visiting with a few weeks ago shared something new that seems to be a more sure-fire method, and I owe him for that. His suggestion was to look in their direction (without smiling) and, closing the eyes for emphasis, make a quick sideways movement of the face as if to say a brief but stern “no”. Not a full swing, less then 90 degrees – and not rudely – but quick and firm. Works like a charm.

A friend of mine, living and working in Thailand this past 10 years shared long ago that he’d learned to ask the guys in Thai if they themselves were in the movies, wagging his eyebrows and leering salaciously at them as he asked, and that worked well for him – sending the poor things scurrying for cover – but I’m not quite that adventurous. I’ve done a similar routine in a joking fashion, but it wasn’t very satisfying and seemed a bit mean-spirited to me so I abandoned it.

Shortly before this last trip I hit on a new idea – one I thought I might have some fun with and that might be of a benefit to the guys themselves: I made up a simple sheet of repeated words, laminated it and cut it up into cards very similar to the ones the guys use, but far more polished looking. I brought about 30 of them with me (some pink, some white) and would tuck a few into the pocket of my trousers each time I dressed to go out.

When I’d approach an area where I was likely to run into these guys, I’d palm one of the cards in my pocket as I walked along. Occasionally I would spot one of them before they spotted me, and would pull the card out, holding it up at waist height and hit them with “Sexy movie?” before they hit me. It always got a big laugh, sometimes from a few guys nearby, too. I would then give the guys the card(s), tell them “chock dee” (good luck) and go along my way. Looking back I’d almost always see them either smiling and pleasantly surprised – some calling out “thank you” – or sharing their new visual aid with someone nearby, sometimes pointing in my direction and undoubtedly chattering about the crazy farang who just threw them off their game. For the two dollars it cost me it was definitely a win-win situation.

As a side note: less then two weeks after handing out the first card in Silom I saw printed/laminated cards almost identical to the ones I’d made being used by a few guys.

Evidently Fagin liked the idea.